


Our Jealous Love

by Sugasluv (Sf9fanfic)



Series: Our Secret Love [1]
Category: Jennie Kim - Fandom, Yoonie - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fanfiction, Jealousy, Love Triangles, Married Couple, Romance, Smut, Story with pictures, Taennie, btsfanfic, forbiddenlove, kpop, sexscenes, yoonie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-03-15 16:20:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 12,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13617057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sf9fanfic/pseuds/Sugasluv
Summary: Jinny is a lucky girl you might say.  After all, she just married a very handsome k-pop star on the brink of stardom.  But what most people don't know is she is secretly in love with her stepbrother.  Will she give up everything she has for one last chance at true love or will she give her first love the chance he deserves.  Together they will find their path in life.  Only time will tell.  This tale is part 2 of My Secret Love. Make sure you read that one first.





	1. Under the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New trailer!

Trailer:  


  


I sat alone staring out into the sea feeling sorry for my self in this beautiful place. Most people would feel blessed, but I felt like a speck of sand on an expansive shore. I love Yoongi with all my heart but is our love strong enough to overcome this? I think about him all the time, especially those times when I'm all alone like this. On this beautiful empty beach, I ask myself. Should I let him go? It would probably be best for the three of us. It's just that his touch is still so fresh on my skin. It's impossible to let go. I cannot bear for Tae to touch me yet. It would feel too much like betrayal. We have been here a week and I still have not let my husband touch me like a couple would do on their honeymoon. I lay with him till the warm ocean breeze and the rolling waves lull me to sleep but there is no sex. Taehyung is patient. He doesn't force anything. He is kind and understanding to a fault but his frustration is starting to show. He left me alone and went for a walk by himself. My incredibly handsome, understanding husband, Tae finds me strolling on the beach. He takes pictures of the beautiful sunset. He is good at many things and one of his artistic talents is photography. With his undeniable boyish charm, he smiles at me and I smile back. "May I take your picture?" He says in his sexy warm voice with a tilt to his head making me smile. "Sure," I answer twirling for him in my pink sundress. I want to make him happy. I really do. 

<

"Aww! You look beautiful. These photos are amazing like you." "Oh Tae, you're so sweet. Thank you. Let me take your picture now." Tae looks gorgeous with his sun-kissed skin in this warm light. When I look at him I remember why I'm here. If I let myself love him again, will everything be all right? For a while, I relax and let myself be fully present in the moment. If Tae is to be my life partner, I owed it to him to leave here with some fond memories of us together. Tomorrow there would be another chance to enhance our bond but for now, the sun bid us goodnight and we welcome the darkening sky. I feel I'm not ready yet, so with an air of melancholy we head back to our bungalow with the last remaining rays painting an ever darkening picture.

We walk in and see our dinner has been laid out beautifully on the table.

"It looks so good!" Tae says as I walk by glancing at the table. "Come sit with me please."

He grabs me before I can get away and I fall in his lap. He smells sweet and tropical, his cologne enticing me more than the food. He tries hard to be playful with me but I can tell it's forced and it feels sad to me. We don't feel authentic. 

"Hey." He looks at my face to see how I respond. "You need to eat something. Let me feed you."

He gently gets a piece of lobster and dips it in the butter sauce. "This is amazing. You have to try some."

I open my mouth for him and let the delicious taste bring a smile to my face. "Mmmm. I like it."

Tae hugs me gently and stares at my eyes with a sweet smile. "You're so cute! I miss your smiles." I let him feed me the lobster until it was done then he fed me the mixed fruit. I feel relaxed and comfortable with him, at least.

"You can have the strawberries." I said when he tried to feed me one. "I know they're your favorite.

He plops a whole strawberry in his mouth and then another till he looked like a chipmunk. His cute expression making me laugh.

"I've never seen anyone that loves strawberries as much as you do."

I kiss him lightly on his strawberry lips. Tae stares into my eyes and pulls me closer. The want in his eyes filling me with dread. When he tries to kiss me deeper I pull away.

"Sorry I can't." I whisper as if the honeymoon gods would be angry with me, and so we go back to the awkwardness.

Tae slowly moves away from me and gets on the sofa, looking at the photos he took on his camera. I feel like I've hurt him again and the thought makes me sad again.


	2. Not Over the Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to all of you that already read this. I just noticed that half the chapter was missing. (●´ω｀●)

That night I tried really hard to make him feel loved. I felt guilty for rejecting him so I sat next to him on the sofa and looked at the photos with him. We held hands as we talked about our future and where we planned to live. Tae was my closest friend. We had talked about our future in the past many times. It wasn't hard for us to imagine the things we would do. Life with him would be a chaotic, crazy adventure filled with love and laughter. Tae was a free spirit. He wanted to explore all the possibilities in life and now we would share that life. 

"I'm trying to get a room on my own at the dorm so you can visit me often." He says shyly and giggles. 

"I know what you mean Tae." I say hiding my face in his chest.

"I want to be with you always." He says with a pout.

"We have to get our own place. I don't want to live in your parents house. That big house is scary."

"Okay let's get a little apartment. We can decorate it however you want. Close to the dorm so I can see you every night!"

I smiled at him. Tae didn't realized how difficult it would be for me to sleep on my own. I still hadn't told him about my nightmares or the reason I was able to sleep at night at my own house was because of Yoongi. I didn't want to tell him yet so I was resigned to try my best. I wanted to feel comfortable with him again and not burden him further with all my emotional baggage. 

To complete our romantic night, we took a walk on the moon lit beach holding hands. I felt close to him emotionally. Tae had been the best friend that I told everything to. He would stay up with me talking for hours when I couldn't sleep. He had helped me too not just Yoongi, and now look how much I have grown. I feel so brave just to be standing by the ocean and not be in a panic. Not that my skin isn't tingling nor my heart racing, but I'm actually enjoying it. Tae turns to me to speak holding both my hands now.

"Jinny, I can't believe we've started our life together. I really want to make you happy. Please give me a chance." 

Looking up at him I think, although I am not over the moon, I really want to make it work. "Yes." I say, "I never dreamed we would get married so soon and so rushed. Your family probably thinks I'm pregnant."

"I'm sorry it was so rushed. It wasn't my idea. My parents thought it would stop me from debuting. They are trying to manipulate me as always."

"I'm sorry Tae. It's your life and you should decide what you want to do. You didn't even get a chance to propose to me."

"No I'm sorry, but I do love you. I don't regret it. Our wedding was beautiful. I just wish you felt the same as I do."

"Still they rushed it. My parents did too. We were always poor and it was hard for my mom to raise me on her own. She jumped at the chance to marry me off to a rich husband. Why couldn't they just let us make our own decisions."

"Do people ever really feel ready for anything? I think we just have to try and our marriage will work." 

We weren't brave enough to speak about the real problem between us. The fact that I love another was a taboo subject on our honeymoon. But it was as tangible as the soft, warm waves that lap at our feet.


	3. A New Beginning

The last day of our honeymoon had come. One last day in paradise. I awoke to Tae's soft lips on my cheek making me smile as I stretched in the bed. We shared a quiet moment alone drinking our fresh juice outside on the veranda where a small table for two was filled with a lovely breakfast. His finger tracing the curve of my face lazily. Feeling his tender touch I am moved. My heart feels the familiar excitement I used to feel when he was near. Tae is excited too. He is in the mood for fun and adventure as he animatedly shows me the brochure of fun things to do someone left on the table. We decided to go snorkeling to do something more adventurous since our lazy days at the beach were running out. Tae made a call and we got ready. Me in my white bikini and braids, and Tae in his board shorts and sun glasses headed to the small skiff that was docked near our bungalow. A very tan young man with crinkled eyes and a bright smile greeted us. We climbed in as the little skiff rocked to and fro. Tae held my hand till I had my balance and we made ourselves comfortable ready for another new experience. We headed out to sea, the warm sun accompanying us with a cooling sea breeze on our faces. The scene unfolding before us as we rounded the coast into a cove was indescribable in its beauty. 

The vibrant colors of this natural wonder felt otherworldly. It was like entering a magical place reserved for other beings. After exploring for a while, we rested in a shallow, hidden cove protected from the sea. The little fish swished around our bodies tickling as they went by us. I made a surprised noise when I felt them. Tae thought I was frightened and held me close. I felt his body's warmth as he stared into my eyes in that deep blue coral lagoon. He is so beautiful, I thought. With all this beauty around us, he is still the most beautiful thing here. Suddenly, he kissed me with his salty lips. In that moment, it felt like we were the only two people in the world and the only witnesses to our kiss where the little creatures swirling around us. 

As usual Tae took pictures trying to capture a little of the beauty on camera. We put our fins and snorkels back on and dipped our bodies into the warm wonder. Tae motioned me to follow him so we could discover it together. It was truly unforgettable.

We returned to the golden beach and explored the shore catching and releasing little hermit crabs and looking at the little fish that got trapped in small pools. Some beautiful girls, their hair decorated with exotic flowers brought us some fresh fruit wrapped in palm leaves. As the day grew long, we lazily lounged on the shore. We didn't go back to the bungalow until we got hungry.

We were so weary by the end of the day we decided to turn in early. Laying in bed with Tae, we started talking about the fun we had, the stunning natural beauty and how we would never forget this trip. I felt so comfortable with him and so much closer than before that I decided it was time to open up to him about my nightmares. It was a big step for me. Opening up about something so painful like loosing a parent wasn't easy.

"Tae there's something about me that I've never shared with you and I think it's time I did."

Taehyung turned over to face me and give me all his attention. "You can tell me anything. I love you." He responded.

"This happened in 2004 but I can never forget it.

"Okay, here goes. When I was just a little girl my parents took me to a beautiful resort where they had vacationed on their honeymoon. It was a beautiful day like today and we were getting ready to go to the beach. All of a sudden, we hear people screaming and with a thunderous crash a huge wave hit the building. One moment it was paradise and the next it was hell. The windows break and the water rushes in. My father picks me up as I clung to him for dear life. My mother also clings to him with me in the middle protecting me from the worst of the jostling. I wanted to scream in terror but brackish water didn't let me see or breathe. We were underwater and couldn't hold our breath any longer. The water filled my lungs but the worst of it was the panic. Thinking this is it. This is how we die. The building collapses around us and miraculously the water starts to subside. When it does we are still clinging to each other, with cuts and terrible bruises our stomachs and our lungs expelling the nasty water, except my daddy is not coughing. He is still. He's not waking up. My mom screams in panic pushing him to his side and kneeding his swollen stomach full of water. She breaths air into him but he never takes another breath."

Tae holds me tight trying to calm my shaking body. I didn't notice the tears that were dripping from my cheeks. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. If I had known, I would not have planned our honeymoon here."

"It's okay. Miraculously I'm not afraid of the water. I can only guess because I wasn't at the beach when it happened but I do have nightmares. Especially when there's a storm. Then I can't sleep and if I do I have terrible nightmares of drowning and loosing my dad. When I sleep holding on to someone I feel safe. It's the only way I get good sleep."

"You have me now. You can hold on to me." He says with so much tenderness in his eyes I truly believe he would save me.

I smile at him through my tears. "Thank you Tae but when you stay at the dorm I won't have you." 

Realization hits him. With a resolved look on his face he says, "Don't worry I will get us a place close to the dorm so I can go to you every night or you can come to me. I won't let you suffer alone."

He hugs me tight. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't like talking about it cause I feel I re-live it and it's even worse."

"Thank you for telling me." He pauses still holding me. "Does Yoongi know?"

"He knows I need to sleep with someone but he doesn't know why."

"You never told him?"

I nod my head. "No. He knows I can't sleep by myself. He just didn't know why."


	4. Waiting for You

I was back in Seoul. Closer to Yoongi again. I longed to see him, to have him back in my arms. If I could just hear his voice or at least know he was okay, I would be content. I tried calling him but he didn't answer yet again. So I called my parents to see how they were and also asked about Yoongi. They said he was fine and was getting used to his new routine. He was making friends and having fun. I was glad for him but it made me want to hear from him even more. I asked them if I could visit him but they didn't think it was a good idea. They implied I should move on also. If they only understood how much it hurt to not see him. My parents changed the conversation and asked about Tae and our vacation. I told them it was wonderful but that I felt more like a friend to Tae and not as a wife. My mom said to give it time. Soon we would fall into a rhythm as a couple, anticipating each other's needs and gaining a bond stronger than romantic love. This can't be, I thought. How could anything be better than the feelings I had for Yoongi? He already occupied every corner of my heart and my mind.

I had no plan to visit him but I decided it would be okay to visit the campus to find out about enrollment and try to catch a glimpse of him but not seek him out, if I could control myself that is. This would have to satisfy me for now. I couldn't give him hope for us. Not while I was still with Tae not until I had found a way out.

The next day after Tae left, I took a bus to Yoongi's campus on a whim. I didn't call him. I just wanted to see where he went to school and witness the cadence of his new life. I wish he would talk to me and tell me all about it. To be honest I was worried about him. I wonder if he has been eating and sleeping well. I wonder if he is sad or depressed. I want him to miss me like I miss him. Is that wrong? I get to the right stop and get off the bus. It seems like all the people on the bus were students cause they all get off with heavy backpacks in tow. I follow them on to the campus until they scatter off to different buildings. The place is huge. A proper university with beautiful landscaped lawns separated by wide paths. I wish I could go here and be part of this but I'm just a dumb girl that got married too soon. Maybe I'm the lucky one. I'm not sure. After all, I live in a beautiful mansion with kind people and I don't want for anything. My husband is sweet, generous and cute but I long for someone else. Just a glimpse of him can make my heart race. I start looking around exploring the campus searching every face for his. I shuddered as a cool breeze hit me between two buildings.

"Excuse me miss." A young man spoke to me. "Do you need directions?"

"Yes please."

"Are you a new student?"

"No, I came to surprise my brother but I don't know where the dorms are."

"I can help you with that. Is he a freshman?"

"Yes."

"Alright then follow me."

As we strolled towards our destination, he introduced himself. "By the way my name is Kim Rowoon."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Kim Jinny. I want to start school too but I just moved here after i got married."

"Well, here are the dorms. There are two buildings but you can check which one he's in at the front desk."

"Okay thank you."

I saw a coffee shop across the way and decided to check there first. I walked up to the counter and ordered a latte. I sat down and sipped my drink as I watched the people go by.

When I finish, I got up to leave and that's when I spotted him. At first I wasn't sure since his head was down but then he looked up and smiled at the pretty girl in front of him.

My smile immediately fell. I had never felt jealous because of Yoongi's actions and it hit me hard. Suddenly the fact that he wasn't mine hit me. I wanted to slap her pretty face even though she hadn't done anything. I wanted to yell at her, "Yoongi is mine and I'm his!" But reason spoke to me and held my tongue. Instead I quickly walked away tears forming in my eyes. I had gotten my wish but it hurt so much.


	5. Don't Let Me Cry

On the way home I was hoping nobody was home so they wouldn't see me cry. I was still upset after I saw Yoongi talking and smiling to a girl. I'm not fine at all. It hurts to see you happy when I'm missing you so much. I wish you missed me as much as I miss you. How could you forget all the time we spent together. How can I forget how it felt to fall asleep next to you.

No wonder Yoongi doesn't answer my calls or text. He's through with me and moving on with his life. I wish I could forget how much I love you. I can't believe this is happening. This hurt more than the day he left our little town to go to college. 

I walked in the door and threw my purse. Tae was instantly by my side asking me what's wrong. Which is exactly what I didn't want. 

"I've been waiting for you." He sounds like he's accusing me.

"I didn't know you were coming." I say defensively. "I'm always alone Tae. I have to do something."

"Where were you?"  


"Just out. Exploring."

"You're lying. I know you went to see him!"

"No I didn't."

"I tracked your phone. Don't lie to me." 

I stare at him making up my mind to be honest. 

Is what we have real?

"I passed by his school but I didn't go to see him. I want to sign up for some classes. Your mom suggested I should apply to go to college. I was going to tell you but you didn't answer.

"Then why were you so angry when you got home." Tae asked.

"I saw him Tae. He was with a girl." I told him unable to hide my sadness.

"I'm sorry babe. I know how it hurts to see the one you love with someone else."

"I'm sorry too. I never meant to hurt you. I'm going to be a good wife to you. I don't want to lose you. Please let me make it up to you."

"I can't be without you anymore Jinny."

I pulled him closing the space between us. 

"I seriously need you right now."

I smiled shyly at his words. He chewed his lip nervously. 

"I want you too."

I caught my breath as he pulled me roughly into him. Caught in a tight embrace my pulse quickened. His deep velvety voice breathed in my ear.

"Let's go to our room. Let me make love to you Jinny."

My body desperate with a sudden desire for him, I followed him as he pulled me. He closed the door and his fingers slid under my chin tilting my face up. He big eyes were closer than ever, mesmerizing me with his gaze.

"Tae, I ...."

He kissed me passionately not letting me speak. His lips were desperate and hungry, his hands finally touching me and I forgot everything but the taste of him.

His kisses grew more passionate. His hot lips burning through me leaving his heat down my neck. 

Tae pulled me on top of him. I sat up on his lap and pulled his shirt open. He pulled my shirt off and started caressing my breasts. I felt lost in a dream. His breath was warm against my neck as his fingers slid slowly up my bare legs.

Tae's soft husky voice kept telling me that he adores me as he planted sweet kisses on my lips. 

"I will never let you go Jinny. Please forget about him."

I wanted to but it wasn't so easy.

"Are you ready for me babe?" He asked

"I've been ready."

And with that said we lost ourselves in the rapturous moment.


	6. Never Forget Me

I was so nervous the day the letter came from the University. Tae was with me when I opened it. He was so excited for me and a little bit jealous too. I called my parents and told them the good news. I wanted to tell Yoongi too but we had not spoken in so long. Within no time at all I had already done orientation and signed up for classes. I was really excited to make new friends. Tae's group had grown in popularity so quickly that he never seemed to have time for me, except for a few stolen hours together, which we cherished. We had grown closer and he seemed less jealous. Now it was my turn to feel that way with all the crazy attention he was getting. Still not a day went by that I didn't miss Yoongi. I open my phone to look at pictures of him and videos I took of him. When I look in his eyes and listen to his voice it's like the music starts to play and I immediately feel calm. 

Tae gets home carrying a bunch of stuff. He puts it down and hugs me.

"What's all this?"

"Presents from my fans. I couldn't even bring it all."

"Great. Where are we going to put all this?"

Tae laughs cutely. "I don't know. We'll find a spot."

"That's what you get for being so great and giving. You deserve it baby." I say then kiss his cheek.

He shows me a stuffed animal."Look Jinny we can save these for our kids!"

"You're still a kid. I'm not having a child with a child!"

"Child?" No, no, no! I want six!"

"Are you crazy?"

Tae laughed with glee at my expression. "Won't it be fun playing with them all. Three Taetae's and three Jinny's."

"Lord, help me! Everything you want comes true."

"Let's practice!"

L-O-V-E 

was

made

for ❤❤❤

me

and

you


	7. Story of Love

Looking for your face in the crowd cause I need you. I'm not stressed out cause I started classes only yesterday and I feel good. I want to feel like I belong. I know I belong with you. I'm early so I head to the cafe, my favorite spot on campus. It's very popular especially in the morning. I walk in to the bustling cafe, the aroma of coffee hits me like a welcoming smile. It smells so good. I wait in line patiently and as I finally approach the counter I see you. My heart pounds. I have missed you so much. Your little face looks at me and the whole world disappears. You look so good in your pale blue shirt and apron. I adore you!

Before you can speak I squeeled. "Yoongi! How are you? You work here?" Jinny asks so happy to see him again.

"Yes, why haven't you called me or answered my letters? Are you done with me Jinny?" Yoongi said nervously, his heart pounding afraid of what she was going to say."

"Yoongi I have called you but you never answered! What's going on with you?"

"I thought I lost you. Please don't break my heart again Jinny!"

"I love you Yoongi!"

"We need to talk. Can you please come back at 1:00 when I get off?"

"Okay, I missed you." I say softly staring at him.

Yoongi smiled at me relief on his face.

After class I walked back to the cafe. I could hardly pay attention in class trying to understand what Yoongi had said. He had not received my calls or messages. How could that be? I had not received any letters. Someone was keeping us apart. That someone could only be Taehyung. He was so jealous of my love for Yoongi.

I arrived at last. Yoongi was waiting outside talking to the girl I had seen him with before. My heart ached at the sight. No! Was he going to tell me she was his girlfriend? I wanted to run the other way but Yoongi had spotted me and was quickly walking towards me.

"Jinny!" He hugged me tightly. Finally letting go I look at his shiny eyes.

"Who is your friend?" I ask him.

"Who?" He looks around. "Oh that's Rose, she works here."

"Do you like her?"

"No, Jinny." He says realizing I was jealous. "She's new so I've been training her. Don't be jealous. I only have eyes for you."

"Oh Yoongi! Followed by, "Don't smile at her so much. You'll give her the wrong idea."

I hugged him tight again so much relief in my heart. I wish I had dared to come sooner.

"I love you so much! Why have you ignored me?" He says.

"Yoongi, I think someone messed with my phone. I have called you many times and I haven't received any calls from you."

"Let me see your phone."

Yoongi looks at his number on my phone. It still has the picture I took of him.

"This is not my number. Someone has changed it. My real number has been blocked."

Yoongi texts the number that is supposed to be him. 'I know what you did.'. "Let's see what they say."

Yoongi looks up at me his eyes filled with tenderness. "Let's go to my dorm. I want to be alone with you and show it to you.

I smile at him. "Okay."

We walk to the dorms holding hands. Yoongi still has my phone even though he doesn't expect to get a text back. We need to figure out if it was Tae.

My mind is racing. I can't believe I am next to him. His warm hand feels so real. I can't wait to kiss him. My body aches for him. We get in the elevator alone. He pulls me close. "You smell so good baby. You wouldn't believe how much I've missed you." He grabs me by the waist and spins around making me giddy.

The moment we are in the room he starts kissing me pulling me towards his bed. The room is dark and cool and the bed smells like him. I love it!

Yoongi POV:

Something in the way you move, the way you look at me. My little love, my taste of heaven. You are my first love and will be my last. I want to die happy one day because you loved me and stayed with me.


	8. If It's Meant to Be

I spent the day in Yoongi's arms catching up on our lives and all the love and kisses we missed. I can't get enough of him. I missed watching him talk with his expressive face. It was the cutest thing how he talked in pout. Yoongi proudly shows me his dorm that he fixed up himself. My heart feels full when I see a picture of me on his desk. How many times has he looked at it and thought about me?

"What did you tell your roommate about me?" I ask.

He grins at me and says. "I told him you are my girlfriend, my everything. Poor guy has to listen to how much I miss you every day."

"Oh." I say blushing and feeling blessed.

"Let's take a picture together. He must think I made you up." Yoongi asks.

I tear myself away finally heading home. By the time I get there it's almost dark. Nobody is home so I start to search to see if I find Yoongi's letters. I really don't think Tae would keep them but just in case. I feel guilty looking through his things then I spot a shoe box all the way in the back of the closet. When I opened it, it's not what I expected. Instead of Yoongi's letters, the box is filled with letters and cards that I had sent Tae while he was away from home during training days. There were ticket stubs and even a note I had left in his locker with the origami heart I made on Valentine's day. 

Oh Tae, why are you so sentimental? I felt bad looking at this stuff wondering how much I had hurt him with my love for Yoongi. Reading my own letters telling him how much I love him makes me sad. At the bottom of the box I find a crumpled letter addressed to me.

There is no doubt now it was Tae that hid the letters. He must have resented Yoongi and had meant to throw it away. I didn't know what made him keep it. To me it would feel like a stab in the heart every time I saw it. 

My heart felt crumpled like a piece of paper. I wish I could find a way to mend his heart. Sitting on the carpeted floor I hugged my knees. I wanted to hug him and take the hurt away. I cried for him that night. 


	9. Finding Hope

Tae sits alone in the dorm living room thinking of his love. In his foggy brain, the midnight colors bleed around him. He wonders where you are tonight and if you even think of him. He wonders if there is any hope for their marriage as he takes another drink. The room spins a bit and he smiles a little thinking of his band mates advice. Strangely enough the most intuitive was Suga. He was the first to notice something was wrong. Tae feels sad cause he thinks it's time to let go of his first love. Is it self loving to cling to someone that doesn't love you back? I can't just sit here and do nothing. I'm loosing her a little more everyday. You're in my head but not my arms. You're in his instead and it's killing me. I promised you I would always be there to protect you but my work keeps me away and you sleep alone most nights.

Suga looked at me and he sat down then he quietly spoke. "I know something is wrong wanna talk about it?"

I look at him and I start to cry. "Thanks for noticing." He's so nice why does he have to look like fucking Yoongi? Suga puts his arm around me and holds my hand.

"Tell me about it." He speaks softly and waits.

"My wife loves another." He can barely get the words out without crying.

"Are you sure?" He says with kind eyes.

"Yes."

"If that's true what's keeping her with you?"

"I managed to keep them apart but now she found out what I did and they are together."

"I'm sorry about that.... Seems to me it's time to let go and put your energy into your work. Maybe let it inspire you to write a song. I can help."

"Thanks, I'll think about it."

Jhope walks in and sees Tae's sad face. "We're here for you buddy. How can we help?" The other boys walk in and sit. 

"I'm scared Jinny is going to leave me. I don't know what to do."

Jin says, "You should do a big romantic gesture like a big romantic dinner with flowers, candle light and chocolate covered fruit. I can help."

"Thanks Jin." Tae smiles a little more so because he feels his friends really care.

"You should just leave her. Plenty of people want your love if she doesn't then forget her." Jungkook blurts out.

Jimin whispers under his breath. "You mean yourself." Jungkook pushes him.

"The heart wants what it wants. He should talk to her and try to work things out. They are married after all." Joon chimes in.

"You're right Joon! Should I call her now?"

"No, no, no! You're drunk. It's best if you call tomorrow." Joon answers.

"No way! He should ask her to come now. If she doesn't, then forget her!" Suga chimes in.

Jimin says, "Jungkook, you should sleep in my room today." 

Jungkook answers with a disparaging smile. "You better keep your paws to yourself."

Tae wastes no time in calling Jinny.


	10. Could I See You Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who will Jinny choose? Her first love and husband or the boy that came into her life at the right time to save her.

With shaking hands, misgivings and a little bit of hope, Taehyung calls Jinny. Even the alcohol he consumed earlier didn't take the edge off this nerves. This was what he wanted most in his life. For her to forgive him and to want him again. No, to love him again. That's what he really wanted. The next few moments were nerve-racking. She answered! He is thankful for even that much. "Jinny, It's me. Please don't hang up. I'm asking you to forgive me. I love you and I won't let you go without a fight. I don't wanna lose you sweetheart. I can't be without you anymore. I can't spend another sleepless night without you. Can I come home? Please! I want to talk to you in person." 

"I've been thinking about you all night. I want you to come." Jinny replied. 

"Great! I'm coming now. Okay?"

"Yes that's fine."

She waits for him by the window thinking about her situation. If only we weren't married this would be easier for me. I would let go of Tae kindly and let him move on with his life. But, she couldn't let go so easily. I can't give up on us yet. I will hear him out and see how he feels.

Tae was hopeful at least she wasn't so angry that she didn't want to see him. He calls a taxi and in no time he is at the home he shares with his wife. He walks in and she looks up at him with wide eyes. She gets up from the sofa and comes to hug him. They both speak at the same time. "I'm sorry." Tae holds her at arms length searching her face for answers. With fear in his voice he asks, "Are you leaving me?"

"No, no. I have wronged you. Thinking only of myself and my capriciousness of wanting to stay with Yoongi even though you and I are married now. I do love him Tae. I won't lie to you. But I owe it to you, to try to make our marriage work. If you want to that is?"

Tae stays quiet. He knows what he wants. He is just surprised that she is willing to try. His hearts desire just steps from him but seemingly miles stretched between their hearts. 

"I do." He finally says. "But not if you don't think you can love me." He manages to say.

If breaks her heart to hear him say that.

It comes as a welcome realization to herself as well. "I do love you. I know that now. I could have left you Tae but something kept holding me back. It was your undying love. I didn't want to hurt him but I know he'll understand. You've proven to me over and over how much you love me and my love for you has grown deeper." 

His heart was thundering in his ears as the morning light started to filter through the window. He feels like he's coming alive just as the day is starting so is their life together. He walks towards her as she smiles shyly looking up at him. 

"Hold me Tae." She whispers and he complies.

"I won't share you Jennie. My heart can't take it. Promise me it will only be me or I walk away."

Jennie stays quite staring at the floor. Tae turns and starts to walk away. The pain in his heart tearing at his chest. 

"Stay with me Tae. I love you. Come lay with me in bed."

He turns back seeing tears in her eyes. 

"Save me Tae."


	11. Lost

The next day Jenny calls Yoongi and tells him she needs to see him. By the sad tone of her voice he knows it's over. His body shaking as he puts down the phone. All the happy moments they had now seem to exist only to hurt him. She is coming now to break his heart. Why! I'm so afraid.

He hears a soft knock and slowly makes his way towards his fate. How is she here so quickly? He opens the door and see's her sad little face. The face of his only love. He knows this is difficult for her too.

She looks down at the floor and says, "l'm staying with Tae." 

Yoongi covers his ears not wanting to hear her words as they cut right into his soul. The tears run down his face and he drops to his knees. 

"I hope you find happiness. I'll always love you." She says as she walks away. 

"You stole my heart Jinny! And now your throwing it away! I HATE YOU!"

"I'm sorry."

"Just leave me to die Jinny."

Epik High, Lost One (English Translation)

 

[Intro: Kim Jong Wan]  
Do you remember?  
All of our happy moments  
Have turned into dust  
A light breeze seems enough  
To scatter them away  
I'm afraid  
I'm afraid

[Hook: Kim Jong Wan]  
I'm a lost one  
I'm a lost one  
Everything I love makes me cry  
Cuz I'm a lost one  
Yeah I'm a lost one  
All that I live for makes me die

[Verse 1: Tablo]  
My child, when you follow  
Look carefully at the path I tread  
One day, I won't be here to walk by your side  
I leave my footsteps here for you  
Steer clear of them  
Follow those who chose the easy path  
For they may have the answer  
The path I chose is bent like a question mark  
And only gives birth to countless problems  
I hope the dream  
You dreamed because of me  
Won't turn out to be a nightmare when you wake up  
Now that I've run to the very end  
I see that there's not a thing that resembles the eternity, healing and answers I was looking for  
I ran down this path for my family, only to have it take my father's life  
It seems that the gunshot signaling the start  
Was intended for my back  
Listen well  
Even if the whole world welcomes you  
That same world will abandon you, so you gotta let go  
Before it's too late  
Cuz I've been there before  
This path may dazzle your eyes  
But don't be fooled by the diamonds and gold  
Don't get drunk on applause  
Sometimes they will use compliments as shackles  
Even when they roll out the red carpet for you, don't forget  
That it has turned red from soaking up your blood and sweat  
I hope the dream  
You dreamed because of me  
Won't turn out to be a nightmare when you wake up  
Now that I've run to the very end  
I've learned that the fame and the money don't mean a thing  
I lost one too many things  
Whatever you wish to become, I'll applaud you  
I'll applaud you  
Just don't end up like me


	12. What We Could Be

Min Yoongi lays on his bed staring up at the ceiling in the middle of the night. He frowns picking up his phone again and stares at her contact. He promised himself he wouldn't call her. After all she is married. The last time he saw her she told him she loved him still. He wants to go back to when he still had hopes that she would leave Tae, but she hasn't which means she won't. And now she has taken away any hope he had. She told him, "I'm staying with Tae." 

So why am I still hanging on? How long will I wait? I still have hope because she said she loves me still. I didn't imagine that. But here I am lonely and miserable. My only close friend is Rose from the coffee shop. She is the only one that knows everything. Sometimes I wish I hadn't told her because she likes me. I may be wrong but I might have had a chance with her if I didn't sound so pathetic about Jinny. I have only had one other girl like me and that was Jinny. Am I destined to be alone?

It's not the first time I've felt this desperate because of her. "Baby I still want to make this work." Yoongi says into the night. His body and mind so frustrated. He thinks, "I want you so much. I wish I could tell you. Tell me again you still love me, I will wait for you forever." 

Yoongi walked out of his building taking in the cool night air. He needed to escape the four walls of his room or he would go crazy. "Why have I fallen in love so hard? It feels like a bullet to my heart."

Back at home Jinny was restless and can't sleep. She turns over and kisses Tae's cheek as she gets up and makes her way to the window. Taehyung comforted her when she got home from talking to Yoongi. She cried on his shoulder as he held her tight. Tae knew it was the hardest thing she had ever done. She couldn't believe she had gone through with it. She broke Yoongi's heart to make amends with Tae. But all she could think of was Yoongi's sad face and how he begged her not to leave him. Her heart was breaking all over again as she thought about it. She wanted Yoongi but she didn't feel she deserved him after the cruel way she had treated him, walking away as he begged on his knees. But only she new there was another reason she had said goodbye to Yoongi for good. She knew that if she didn't hurt him she would always be tempted to go to him. In a weak moment, she would give in to temptation. She looked out the window and felt a little dizzy. She was very tired but that was not the reason. Looking down she tenderly placed a hand on her flat belly. She was carrying Tae's child. The news would have to wait. They were all too sad right now.


	13. Change in the Stars

I was dripping wet before I was even half way there, my hair was soaked and my new Pumas squelching with every step. What a day to forget my umbrella. The campus paths looked like an ad for umbrellas all colorful and different and pointing at the soggy grey sky. As I walked to class, the urge to turn back home got stronger and stronger. What would be the point of staying if I got sick and had to miss more days. My mind made up I spun around and started jogging back to the bus stop. A clap of thunder made me my heart jump in fear. I jogged faster finally breaking into a run. Another loud clap and the accompanying flash of light. For a heart-stopping moment I thought I had been hit. The hair on my arms standing not just from the cold but also the fear. I could feel the panic attack starting. An overwhelming feeling that I was about to die. I couldn't hear and my limbs started to shake and I couldn't breath. I felt dizzy and about to faint the only thing I could think to do was to call out for Yoongi and then everything went dark.

 

I woke up in the emergency room, the bright florescent lights making my eyes hurt. I lifted my head off the pillows only to receive a stabbing headache. I turned my aching head and saw the worried face of Yoongi coming closer. I smiled at him and he smiled back. Reaching over he grabbed my hand and held it comfortingly.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You passed out and hit your head so they brought you here."

"Oh, I had a panic attack because of the storm. My stuff!"

"Don't worry. It's here."

"How did you know I was here?"

"Taehyung called me. He's your emergency contact. He's really worried and scared about you but he can't come."

"Really? He called you?"

"Your surprised? He wants you to call him as soon as you wake up."

"I'm glad it's you." I said squeezing his hand.

The only clear thing on his mind right now was the feel of her hand in his. 

"Jinny ..." He starts to say but the door opens and a doctor, based on his lab coat, strides in to check on her. 

"Okay young lady, I'm glad you're awake. Let me examine you." He walks up to the bed, looks into her eyes and shines a light into them. "Very pretty." He says. Then he takes her pulse. "Everything looks good. You need to stay overnight because of the bump on your head. How often do you have panic attacks?"

"Not very often. I have a problem with storms though because of a childhood trauma."

The doctor nods his head in understanding. "I find that therapy works better than medications. I can refer you to a good therapist. It shows here you are married, is this your husband?" The doctor turns to look at Yoongi that is still holding her hand.

"No, he's my brother. Can I leave now?" The doctor continues, "Not yet. I scheduled a sonogram for today to check on your pregnancy. Who is your OBGYN?" "I don't have one." "Well you need one and you need some bed rest till we rule out any problems. I'll be back later to check on you."


	14. Chapter 14

Taking my hand back, I say "I want to get out of here." 

Yoongi stares at his hand where mine was and slowly looks up at me. "You knew."

"What?"

"When the doctor mentioned it, you were not surprised."

"Oh. Yes. It hasn't really sunk in. And the time was not right for telling."

"Why haven't you said anything? Does your mom know?"

"No. I want to tell Tae first, but he was going abroad for a concert. I didn't want to make him worried. I'll tell him when he gets back."

"Is that why you came to see me? Cause you knew you would have to stay with Tae for the baby."

"It's part of it yes."

"Why didn't you tell me then?"

"I told you. My husband should know first."

"You don't tell me anything Jinny. Why?" Yoongi had a hurt look on his face that made her sad.

"I don't want to get sad."

"But you have to deal with things in life. You can't just ignore things and hope they go away."

"I know."

"No I don't think you do. What ever your childhood trauma is you still haven't dealt with it properly. I don't even know what it is and I've lived with you, slept with you, loved you. It's not going away by itself. Look what just happened to you because of your panic. You might of hurt your child or yourself worse."

"Yoongi, don't be mad at me!"

"You hurt me too. You should have told me you didn't want to be with me sooner. I still had hope that you would leave him."

"Don't look at me like that. I do want to be with you but I can't. You know this."

"You let yourself get pregnant. You had a choice." Yoongi scolds. 

"Yes, I'm bad, I'm dumb, and I'm confused. Why don't you leave me then?" He can hear the anguish in her voice.

"I want to help you."

"How?"

"Start by telling me what happened to you? It's about time you do."

After a long pause she starts to speak. "Yoongi, it's been thirteen years, but the scars are still fresh. The scars on my flesh only tell part of the story. The worst scars are in my heart. I am a Tsunami survivor. We were on vacation when it happened. The three of us were trapped in a building as the water pounded on the walls till the windows broke followed by the walls themselves collapsing on top of us. It was so loud and terrifying. I'm petrified of floods and drowning. I can't stand storms. I'm still haunted by the dead bodies I saw and the people screaming but the worst for me were the cries of my mother for my dad. My dad died trying to protect us. I don't see how talking to somebody about it is going to make me feel better. I just want to forget and not be afraid anymore."

"Oh Jinny that's so sad but I'm glad you told me. I feel even closer to you."

"Thanks for being there for me without questioning me. I really needed you."

"You're welcome. I'm glad I could help, but I don't really feel I did anything. How did sleeping with me help?"

"After what happened, I became really afraid to be apart from my mother. I thought she would disappear. I couldn't have another person leave me. So I had to sleep holding on to her. When she got married, I was alone for the first time in a very long time. The nightmares were unbearable. Even with medications I found it hard to sleep on my own. When you came to live with us it was a God send."

Yoongi smiled and held her close wrapping his arms around her. She looked up into his eyes. "You saved me in another way. I felt loved by you. You always did little things for me without saying anything. It was so thoughtful and sweet. Your mom and dad raised a wonderful son. I started to like everything about you. Till I knew I wanted you and not Tae. Everything about you is special and you are so cute and sexy. Even when you make me angry I still love you."

Instead of being happy, Yoongi started to pout the tears forming at the corners of his sweet eyes. "And now after telling me all this you're still going to leave me?" 

"This is not all my fault. You left me when I need you to fight for me. I still hoped you would stop the wedding but you didn't even come."

"Jinny, I had nothing to offer you. How could I compete with your rich boyfriend? I tried to better myself the only way I knew how."

There was a knock at the door an a nurse came in. "Are you Jinny Kim?"

"Yes." 

"It's time for the sonogram." The nurse said motioning for her to get in the wheelchair. "Your husband can come too." She said looking at Yoongi.

I smiled at Yoongi and said, "Yes come."


	15. Heart Beat

I was taken to an examination room with diagnostic equipment. This must be where they do the sonogram. The nurse asked me to sit on the exam table and said the doctor would be right in as she vacated the room. Yoongi took this time to come closer to me. 

"You haven't called Taehyung to let him know you are okay."

"Yes, I should call him now, but what if something is wrong with the baby? I don't know what to do."

"Just call him quick before the doctor comes. He'll be relieved that you're okay."

"Oh! I don't have my phone. Can I use yours."

Yoongi hands me his phone and I immediately call Tae.

Taehyung answers. "Yoongi is she okay?" He sounds worried and it pulls at my heart strings.

"Taetae it's me! I'm fine sweet heart." I try to reassure him.

"OMG Jinny, you scared me. I'm not leaving you alone anymore."

"Don't be silly Tae. How did the concert go?"

"Fine I guess, but I was so nervous. I wish you could have come. I miss you so much."

"I miss you too. I want you to tell me all about it."

"I want to hear about you. What happened?"

"There was a sudden storm. You know me, I was scared. I got soaked on my way to class. I was running back to the bus stop when lightning hit. It was so scary Tae. I had a panic attack and passed out."

"That sounds terrifying. Did you get hurt?"

"Yes, I hit my head when I fell, but the doctor says I'm okay. I have to call you back. They are going to do another test right now. Don't worry. Yoongi is with me. Thanks for calling him babe."

"You're welcome. Call me as soon as you can. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye."

Jinny handed the phone back to Yoongi. His face is serious.

"Jinny do you love him?"

Before she can answer the doctor walks in. 

"Hello Mrs. Kim, I'm doctor Parker here to examine you."

"Hello."

"I see you are in very early stages of pregnancy. We are going to do an exam to see how far along you are. How long ago do you think you got pregnant?"

"I'm not sure. I think about 7 weeks. "

"And you've had no spotting or pain?"

"No."

"Sounds like everything is fine. Let's take a look. This will help us hear the heart beat but don't be surprised if we can't. It's very early goings."

The doctor places lube on her belly and starts to move the monitor around. 

Suddenly, I hear a faint, fast heart beat. My eyes get wide and I turn to look at Yoongi. He is as amazed as I am. 

"There you are little one! Sounds like your fine to me." The doctor says with a smile on his face.

After the doctor is finished, I go back to the room with Yoongi. We are both quiet and pensive. I am relieved that the baby is fine. It has finally dawned on me the implications of my situation. I'm going to be a mom. This is happening for real. I'm getting very anxious and scared. I call out to the one person that can calm me down. "Yoongi!"

"I'm here. What's wrong?" He asks with concern in his voice. He holds my hand as I start to cry.

"It's going to be okay." He says. You'll be a great mom and Taehyung will be a great dad."

"No. That's not what I want! I want to be with you. This is all your fault. Why did you leave me?"

"I'm sorry."

"They bullied me into marrying him. I thought you didn't love me!"

"Jinny, you always have a choice. You can still leave him and marry me. I will raise the child as my own. You decide."

"It's too hard. Whatever I choose somebody gets hurt."

"Who ever you choose the other will move on. That's life. Pick what is right for you."

I wrap my arms around his neck. "I love you. I love you. I love you." Yoongi starts to cry. I don't know if he is happy or he thinks I'm saying that because I'm going to leave him behind. I dry his tears with my hand.

"You didn't answer me Jinny. Do you love him?"

"Yes. That's why it's always been so hard."

"Then leave me and be with him. Have your baby and be happy. Do it for me. I'll be okay knowing that you're happy and you loved me once."

I nod my head trying to be brave for him. I need him to tell me what to do because I couldn't choose. Still my heart is breaking.


	16. My Choice

The doctor gave the okay to have me discharged since all the tests were okay and I wasn't in any pain. It was late by the time they let me go, but I called Tae anyway to tell him the good news. I also let him know I was going to stay with Yoongi since the doctor said I shouldn't be alone. He wasn't too happy about it and wanted to hire a nurse to stay with me but I put my foot down and said no. "Tae, that's crazy. It's late and I just want to sleep."

Tae asked to speak to Yoongi and basically told him to take good care of me but not touch me or else.

As we made our way to Yoongi's dorm, I stole glances at him and noticed the little pout that was so familiar. It made me feel a little insecure and what I really wondered was if Yoongi still loves me the way I love him.

"Yoongi, Are you okay with me staying with you? If you're tired, I could just get a cab home."

He looks at me surprised by my question. "Of coarse not! I want you to stay with me. I want to take care of you Jinny." I gave him a weak little smile and his eyes quickly looked away. He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer as if he was afraid I would leave him. "You're not going anywhere."

When we got to the dorm, Yoongi's roommate was there watching tv in the tiny living room they shared. Jay said, "hi," then looked up from the television and noticed that Yoongi wasn't alone. "Oh, hello." He stood up to greet me with a big smile on his face. "You must be Jinny."

"Hi." Jinny returned the greeting. "Nice to meet you."

"I've heard so much about you. It's nice to finally meet you. I was starting to think he had imagined you." Yoongi rolled his eyes at Jay's statement.

"We're going in the bedroom. Do you mind staying out here for the night, thank you." Yoongi said more like a statement than a question.

"Sure." Jay yelled more to himself than to Yoongi cause Yoongi had already pulled me into the bedroom.

"Lay down. You need to rest." He said quickly changing into pajama pants and a tee. "Do you want to change?"

"Sure, give me a t-shirt." Yoongi tossed me a t-shirt and I turned my back to him as I changed. "You sure I'll rest if I get in bed with you?" I answered coyly.

"Whhat?" Yoongi stammered and I giggled.

"Just kidding." I innocently smiled at him.

"Oh." He whispered softly. "Do you want something to eat or drink."

"No. I just want you to stop fussing and hold me."  


Yoongi turned off the light and hurried close to me, getting in the bed gently, trying hard not to move me. I felt the butterflies in my stomach having him so close to me. He looks so soft and beautiful.

I giggled again feeling his sweet breath on my neck. "You're not going to break me Yoongi."

"I know!" He says a little embarrassed. "I just don't want to hurt you."

After a pause, I said. "You know what hurts?"

He looks at me, gently moving my hair from my face. "Tell me."

"You telling me to stay with Tae. Once again you've given up on me." I say searching his eyes.

"Jinny!" He says startled by my statement. "I don't ever want to give up on us. It's just .... you're pregnant with his baby."

"I know." The tears threaten and the lump in my throat doesn't let me speak. "Yoongi," I whisper. "I don't want it."

Yoongi is shocked by what I'm saying. "Don't say that. Don't even think it."

"It's not that I don't want the baby, it's just that I want it to be ours."

"Shhh. Just close your eyes baby. Everything will be okay. We'll figure it out."

I wrap my arms around him and fall asleep as we've done so many times before.

Yoongi POV:

Even though I don't want to admit it, I know my world revolves around her. I was devastated when I found out she was having Tae's baby. Today has been a roller coaster of emotions for both of us. Why was fate pulling us apart no matter how hard we were drawn to each other. I felt so guilty holding another man's wife in my arms. Wanting her and loving her so deeply. Only he can imaging how desperate I feel to finally have her in my arms, but I must hold back. She is not mine yet.


	17. Fated to Love You

We woke up to Jay's knocking at the door. "Hey I need to get my clothes and stuff." It seemed oddly familiar.

Yoongi groaned in annoyance but got up anyway to get ready. I loved the cute little noises he made when he was annoyed.

After a few minutes we came out of the room and there was Jay grinning at us with a knowing look. He wouldn't be the first to assume things today, yet we hadn't done anything but sleep.

"Weren't you in a hurry?" Yoongi said to Jay.

Jay nods and goes in the bedroom. Yoongi looked cute in the morning. I really missed waking up in his arms with his whiny deep voice complaining about lost sleep. I couldn't help wanting to kiss him.

"I love you, I love you, I love you!" I kept telling him between kisses to his pinchable cheeks.

"I love you too." He said softly looking into my eyes. "Let's go eat at the cafe. I'm starving."

"Okay sweetheart."

We made our way to my favorite cafe were Yoongi happened to work. At the counter, the workers greeted Yoongi by name smiling and giving each other knowing looks. Holding me close, Yoongi was making it clear that we were together. My cheeks were red thinking that they all thought we had spent the night together. Yoongi didn't seem to care, possessively placing his hand on my hip. We got our little bags of food and coffee and went outside to eat it where thankfully we could be more private. Unfortunately, there was Rose, the pretty girl I was sure liked Yoongi, by the way she shot daggers at me with her eyes. Still, she looked stunning with her perfect face and her cute outfit. She was a worthy adversary.

"Yoongi, I don't want to sit here." I said looking her way with a pout.

Yoongi was confused and looked around for another table. "It's okay." Rose said getting up. "I'm leaving. You can have this one Yoongi," She said tapping the table with her delicate finger. I'll see you later then." She said with a flirty simper on her perfect lips. 

I sat on the bench close to Yoongi making sure she saw he was mine. I didn't bother to say bye. I just smiled coyly at her. 

Yoongi looked at me with a little smirk on his lips. "Are you jealous Jinny?" 

"Yes! .... It's perfectly obvious she likes you. I warned you." I said narrowing my eyes. "Darling, you're mine. I said coquettishly."

"Am I." He said softly.

"You know you are." 

"Are you forgetting about the baby?"

"Sadly, that doesn't change how I feel." I said seriously.

Yoongi stares at her. "Well then. When will you tell him?"

Jinny smiles sadly at him knowing how painful it would be to leave either of them. She remembers the last time she saw Tae how he hung on her every word and clung to her desperately knowing he had to leave again soon. "I wish he didn't love me. It makes it so hard to leave him."

Yoongi held her kissing the top of her head as they hugged taking in the sweet scent of her herbal shampoo. "I'll take you home now."

When they got to her apartment, Yoongi found it very hard to let go. He had an uneasy feeling about leaving her. What if Tae does something foolish when she asks for a divorce? He pushed those thoughts from his mind. Tae is a good person and he's known all along how much Jinny and I love each other. It can't come as a surprise to him. He tried not to sound worried when they finally parted. Before he left he took a picture of them together. He wanted to remember this moment. He thought about kissing her, right here, in front of their door but stopped himself. He wanted to take her and make love to her now that he knew she was finally his. But he kept those thoughts to himself and instead kissed her sweetly before he gently swatted her behind and pushed her towards the door.


	18. Unwanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends, It's almost over. Hope you enjoyed it and I hope you give me some feedback. Let me know where the story is lacking.

I had faced more foreboding things in my life but this certainly was at the top of the list. My mom had told me once that people could sense when they were about to receive bad news. She said that the eyes spoke to the soul more eloquently than words. They gave a glimpse into the human heart where only the truest feelings were expressed. However, the mind needed to comprehend these feelings and the mind needed words. Jinny didn't have the words but she figured it would just come to her. 

Tae called from the airport to say he would be home soon. She waited looking out the window of their home as she had done many times before. By the time he arrived it was almost dusk. She turned around when she heard him and he took her in his arms for a kiss. Jinny moved her face away avoiding their lips touching.

This made Taehyung instantly angry. "What's wrong!"

"You've been drinking." Jinny said smelling the alcohol on his breath.

"I was upset and worried about you." He says still annoyed.

"I'm alright. See?"

"You seem distant."

"Tae we're like strangers, I hardly see you. This isn't working. I'm not happy and neither are you."

"I know. I can't stand this. How can we get closer if we are never together? And you... you're always with him!"

"You're mistaken, I'm not."

"You slept with him last night. Am I supposed to be okay with that?" Tae said slamming his fist on the table. Jinny jumped in fear.

"Don't do that!"

"I'll do whatever I want." He grabbed the plate on the table and threw it.

"There's no point in speaking with you when your drunk. I'm leaving."

"Go ahead and try." He said menacingly making a move to grab her. Jinny ran to the bedroom avoiding him and locked the door. Tae yelled, "open the door Jinny."

Jinny cried looking around for her phone. She was scared of Tae and what he might do to her. With shaking hands she hung on to the door nob.

Tae kicked the door furiously unintentionally knocking her down in the process. She instantly felt a stabbing pain in her abdomen that took her breath away. Tae picked her up and dragged her to the bed pinning her down.

"Stop!" She pleaded. "It hurts so much!" Taking shallow breaths she held on to her abdomen.

Tae sobered up immediately his eyes wide with fear. "Jinny, I'm sorry my love. I'm sorry."

"I need to use the bathroom." Jinny said.

Tae helped her as she clung to her abdomen tears falling down her cheeks. When he saw the blood he got s cared and asked, "What can I do?"

"Tae taking me to the hospital. I think I'm having a miscarriage and it's very painful."

"Miscarriage? Are you pregnant?"

"Yes, 10 weeks." Jinny said.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to tell you in person." 

"Is it mine?" 

"Yes." Jinny said sorrowfully, "I heard the little heart beat in the hospital yesterday. But today... It's like the baby knew it was unwanted."


	19. One Day

Tae was inconsolable. He was sure that all this was his fault. At the hospital they told him that his wife was indeed having a miscarriage and would need to have a D&C, a procedure to clear the uterine lining after a miscarriage. When it was over, he came into the room where Jinny was resting. He held her hand and kissed it leaving his tears on her skin. Jinny opened her eyes and saw the tears on this face. 

"I wish I could have told you sooner." She said.

"Jinny, the baby wasn't unwanted. I would've loved it with all my heart. I'm so sorry ... if it was my fault you lost it ..."

"I don't know if it was your fault. I won't blame you... but there is nothing keeping us together now."

"I see."

"I had decided to stay with you Tae before I even knew about the baby. I knew it was yours because, contrary to what you think, I have only had sex with Yoongi once."

"I was a fool. But now it's too late. Isn't it?"

"Yes. You don't have time for a family. It wouldn't have worked. I realize that now."

"It still hurts thought. I love children and I wish I could've had them with you. Will you be okay?"

"Yes. I love him. I always have. I will be fine. One day you will find the right person for you. They will make you so happy and it won't be a jealous love like ours." Tae nodded and kissed my lips one last time. 

Tae left leaving me to my thoughts and I was glad of it. It was painful to loose a child, even one I never saw. It was part of me after all and that fast little heart beat made it all too real. I was in a melancholy mood and didn't want to see Yoongi with how bad I looked and felt. I wanted our time together to begin with happiness and I was far from that right now. I cried myself to sleep finally finding peace in my slumber. 

The next day I was discharged and I found myself standing in front of our apartment looking up at the building. It was very cold outside so I went in, made some tea and walked around aimlessly in my cozy socks. It hit me like a pang in my heart when I noticed Tae had moved out. All his things were gone including the shoe box filled with memories of our love. I cried so much like a part of me had been torn from my heart. The pregnancy hormones had left me an emotional mess and our breakup happening at the same time didn't help. Our apartment was small and cutely decorated. As inviting as it was, it had too many memories of us together so I didn't want to live here any more. 


End file.
